


Orange Crush and Sawdust

by n_drangles



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Summer Camp AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-21
Updated: 2012-10-05
Packaged: 2017-11-08 06:27:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/440149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/n_drangles/pseuds/n_drangles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first day of camp, the day after everyone’s arrived and they’ve slept through their first night of mosquito bites and wet heat, is always the hardest. John remembers this, remembers the routine he went through year after year at this camp, and understands that it’s hard to not wake up at home that first morning. He never thought he’d actually be coming back to this place. Jade was practiced in dropping hints, and John was just as learned in avoiding these hints like the plague, but a month before his high school graduation he swore away his last summer as a child to Camp Losaw.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to write a summer camp AU because I've never been to summer camp and I like to live out my fantasies through fictional children. I'm assuming every camp works differently. Maybe this camp works way too differently. I don't know! It's pretty hard to do research on summer camps and I wrote this because I was feeling sad and not very summery at all. I'm sorry if this is terrible!

The first day of camp, the day after everyone’s arrived and they’ve slept through their first night of mosquito bites and wet heat, is always the hardest. John remembers this, remembers the routine he went through year after year at this camp, and understands that it’s hard to not wake up at home that first morning. He never thought he’d actually be coming back to this place. Jade was practiced in dropping hints, and John was just as learned in avoiding these hints like the plague, but a month before his high school graduation he swore away his last summer as a child to Camp Losaw. He doesn’t actually remember saying yes, or even anything resembling an affirmative, but he must have or else he wouldn’t be shifting around uncomfortably on this cheap-ass mattress in the camp counsellors’ cabin. His bunk-mate’s alarm goes off, and said bunk-mate proceeds to over shoot his alarm clock and knock John’s glasses to the floor. John turns over on his mattress and sighs. Summoning memories of an airconditioned room, he manages to drift back off to sleep.

Ten minutes later he open his eyes to a striking blonde blur moving about the cabin. He watches the blur move around the cabin for a minute until the blur says “It’s seven-thirty. You were supposed to be awake five minutes ago.” John tries to think of a way to respond that doesn't make him sound like a complete dick, but it's just not happening. He settles on a polite grunt before maneuvering himself out of bed. He leans down to pick up his glasses and frowns at the fresh scratch on the right lense. This is not a good start for the day. This not a good start for summer camp. He watches his bunk-mate pull a shirt on and scowls at the back of his head.

John remembers his cabin mate from all the summers spent at Camp Lowas. He doesn't know much about him, though, due to the fact that they were always assigned to different cabins and the activities they did never really overlapped. Still, he recognized the name immediately, easily remembering a face to put to the name. Dirk Strider. Those pointy shades he was never seen without were the butt of many jokes in Cabin C4. They'd never let him overhear the jokes, though. Dirk Strider is kind of completely intimidating. He's been a solid 6 foot 4 inches since the age of 16 and has more muscles than most famous sports stars and that's enough to send any fellow 16 year old camp goers self esteem plummeting. But it's not enough for him to be the summer camp sex god, he also has to be great at absolutely everything. He's single-handedly lead the camp to victory at the statewide annual boat race. He once built a functional speak-and-say out of scrap junk in the tech lab and then somehow taught the speak-and-say to recite a slam poem he had written. Dirk Strider is just naturally the shit and Dirk Strider knows he's the shit and John detests Dirk Strider. He wants to punch him in his anime face. He wants to push Dirk to the ground and demand that he laugh at his jokes.

Instead John grabs the green camp counsellor shirt he set out for himself the night before and pulls it over his head. "How long until they raise the flag?" he asks as he pulls on his shorts.

There is a ten second pause during which John is convinced he's not going to get a response at all, but finally Dirks says "Five minutes." John sighs. He probably shouldn't have slept in. He ties his shoes and heads to the main office to check in and pick up his clipboard.

The walk to the cabin John has been assigned to is a short one, and once inside he’s not at all surprised to find them them all still asleep. His mind flashes back to the summer his camp counsellor used a cowbell to wake them up if they slept in. Smirking, he walks over to the nearest bed and gently shakes the occupant’s shoulder. He’ll go easy on them this morning, he thinks, and he goes around to each bed and attempts to ease everyone out of sleep. Once they’re all more or less sitting up in their bunks, he he scans over the four yawning faces, claps his hands together, and smiles.

“Good morning. You slept in and now you have three minutes to get dressed!” He pauses at the groans that fill the air and his smile grows. “Wear your hiking shoes, we have a long walk today. I’ll be waiting outside!” As the screen door slams behind John, the grumbling inside the cabin is minimal, and he just chalks it up to them being too tired to even complain.

It doesn’t take long for them to file out of the cabin and gather around the wall John is leaning on in a tight semicircle. He checks off the names of everyone on his clipboard. Eridan Ampora is first, a tall pale and lanky kid who only scowls and nods when you say his name. Then there’s Jake English, who is way too enthusiastic for it only being 7:45 in the morning. Next is Tavros Nitram, who simply says “Present!” and smiles shyly. Last is Karkat Vantas who is fiddling with the sleeves of his zip-up hoodie and doesn’t really acknowledge your existence. John thinks he should mention to him that it’s going to get way too hot for him to wear a jacket on the hike. That’s a responsible thing to do, probably.

“Alright, guys! We’re going to meet up at the flagpole and once we go over the daily itinerary we’re going to eat breakfast. We’re going to be on the trail for a while today so don’t skip out on having a good meal!” John only knows what to say because he was told by the nice lady in the main office. He knows no one is really listening to him. He’s not even listening to himself. He clips his pen back to the clipboard and smiles at everyone before saying, “Okay, let’s head off!”

The meeting at the flagpole this morning takes longer than usual because the kids go through introducing themselves and they do a few ice breakers. It’s pretty boring watching them awkwardly fumble through their first social interactions of the day, but during this time John learns that he and his cabin will be joined by Roxy and her’s and he perks up immediately. He remembers from the few activities they’ve done together that Roxy never stops talking, which is perfect because John doesn’t feel like holding up his own half of a conversation this morning. Roxy can talk enough for the both of them.

John eats breakfast with Jade and Roxy, who chat incessantly about some video game about squids. He resists falling asleep in his cheese grits. Just as he’s about to try and tackle the biscuit, he notices Dirk is eating alone. John feels bad for a moment, shrugs, and then spreads some butter on his biscuit.

The hike is surprisingly pleasant. It doesn’t heat up very much and the trail is very nicely shaded. Half an hour in Karkat trips and on a root and proclaims his entire leg, wrist, and spirit has been shattered into a million tiny and sharp pieces. A girl from Roxy’s cabin, Feferi, takes it upon herself to give Karkat a piggyback ride which Karkat very much does not want and they both end up with rocks now a permanent fixture in their hands and foreheads after Feferi tries to pick him up and Karkat throws them both to the ground. John decides that Karkat is maybe the funniest disaster he has ever met.

They get back at around 10:45, and after refreshments he and Roxy take their cabins to arts and crafts. Watching a bunch of fourteen year olds attempt to braid friendship bracelets and only succeeding in making a huge knotted mess is hilarious and makes the whole day completely worth it. They usher everyone off to lunch and they settle down in the same group from that morning. This time Jade notices Dirk eating by himself as well, and even though John scrunches up his face when she mentions that he eat with them, she asks him to join their table anyway. He doesn’t actually say much. He just sits there sipping his orange soda and eating plain cherry tomatoes. John hates tomatoes with every fiber of his being and surrenders his appetite to Dirk and his stupid eating habits.

The horn sounds, and Jade announces happily what everyone knew because that’s what the fucking horn is for, “Lunch is over!” She prods Dirk’s shoulder with a grin. John tries not the scowl at the idea of his twin sister being casual with assmaster supreme Dirk Strider. “Let’s get everyone to the canoes!” She picks up her tray and heads to the exit, Dirk following not far behind.

Next on the schedule is technology, which is basically just sitting in a room filled with computers and computer parts and a very bad internet connection.This is where John learns that Roxy is an Actual Real Life Hacker and she demonstrates this by hacking into the camp’s system and changing everything on tomorrow’s schedule to “Party Time”. John is extremely confused about how turned on he is. He spends the rest of the period doing nothing but typing a dumb code that Roxy is trying to teach him and willing his boner away.

After technology is swim practice. Eridan and Karkat refuse to get in the pool, and Vriska grabs them both by their ankles and pulls them in. There’s a lot of splashing and John is worried someone may actually die but everyone vacates the pool and John and Roxy decide the swimming practice is over for the day.

They make it through archery without any hitches at all, by way of some miracle, and then it’s dinner time. Everyone sits together again and Dirk eats an actual meal so John is pretty at ease. John makes an attempt to join in on the conversation a couple of times but it’s moving way too fast for him to keep up so he just eats his salisbury steak and listens. By the time dinner’s over he’s five times more exhausted than he was when the meal began.

He makes it through the last activity of the day though, journal writing at seven o’clock. The counsellors are encouraged to join in and John manages an entire paragraph before getting bored. Then he just doodles a fight between a skunk and a toad. Or at least he thinks that’s what it is, he’s not even sure himself.

At eight o’clock the kids are taken back to their cabins. Lights out is at nine so John just sits around with the other counsellors while they wait to go around and send everyone to bed. Roxy shows him the impressive amount of alcohol she managed to sneak into the camp and promises to share some once everyone gets settled in. John not really too big on drinking, but he’s up for anything that’ll make the summer more interesting. He winds up laying face down on Jade’s mattress for the rest of the hour, listening once again to the two talking about a television show he has no interest in and sighing periodically. It’s better than going back to his own cabin, he decides, and sitting around awkwardly with Dirk and avoiding conversation altogether.

Forcing everyone to go to bed is simple enough, as Jake and Tavros are already passed out. Eridan huffs at John but crawls into bed anyway. Karkat shares his concerns about the amount of mosquitos and uses far more vocabulary than John can ever hope to have to describe how much of a pain in the ass Jake is and John just chuckles and turns out the light.

When John gets back to his own cabin, Dirk is reading a book. He doesn’t even look up when the screen door slams behind John. He wonders if Dirk has ever reacted to anything in a way that wasn’t passive and neutral in his entire life. It pisses John off.

John breaks the silence with an easy enough question. “Hey Dirk, where are you from again?”

Dirk lowers his book and raises an eyebrow. “Texas,” is his reply.

“Was it different growing up in Texas?” John immediately regrets his question. John is the king of stupid questions. He rules his kingdom with an iron fist.

“Definitely. I had to ride to school everyday on a cow. The only computer in the state is from the 1970’s and is the size of this cabin. Everyone wears pants made out of confederate flags and all anyone eats is pulled pork barbecue. It was hell.” It sounds close enough to a joke that John laughs louder than he was expecting. Dirk doesn’t crack a smile, however. He just raises his eyebrows further.

John lets the conversation drop. He pulls out his own book to read but doesn’t actually focus on the words. Instead he’s thinking of ways to pry a reaction out of his cabin-mate. With a grin he flicks off his lamp and and curls up under his blanket, wondering exactly how long it will take for Dirk to snap under John’s torture.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the author thinks everything they write is a sitcom and toys around with dialogue to the point that almost the entire chapter is dialogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Wow! I am so sorry it took AN ENTIRE SUMMER to write the second chapter of this. It was supposed to be 3000 words but then I just wanted to get the first part of this out of my face so I can move the heck on! Anyway. Expect things like PLOT PROGRESSION and WAY LESS DIALOGUE next chapter. 
> 
> Now I am going to freak out. THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR THE COMMENTS AND BOOKMARKS AND KUDOS! This will be updated more often and /hopefully/ it will be done before next summer. (That was a joke. Probably.)

  
John spends half of the next morning trying to think of a name for his plans to bring Dirk’s huge throbbing ego crashing to the ground. He’s only been able to put swear words on the end of “Cirque du” which is admittedly pretty funny but not actually relevant to the plan at all. He knows he can do much better.

The plan itself isn’t so much a plan yet as much as just a foggy burning sensation in his mind whenever his mind wanders to the blonde occupying the other bed in the male counselor’s cabin. Really, that’s all he needs. The rest will come to him later. All he needs is patience, which admittedly isn’t something he has a lot of. He has time, though, to make sure everything is perfect.

He’s already back to thinking of a clever title (no, Cirque du Shithead will not cut it, no matter how big of a shithead Dirk is, please stop thinking those words) when he feels a bony arm loop around his shoulders.

Roxy’s voice floats into John’s ear like a barbed wire. “You ready for the evening hike tonight, Johnny-boy?”

After the initial shock at how shrill Roxy’s voice manages to be even at ten in the morning, which should probably be illegal honestly, John sighs. The fucking evening hike. “I forgot all about the stupid evening hike.”

Roxy giggles and John realizes that he is so not up for this, not today. “Dirk refreshed my memory this morning. You gonna get down and bond about muscles and rugged shit like smelly hiking boots and chopping wood?”

John raises his eyebrows and shoots Roxy a sidelong look and chooses not to dignify that with a response. She rolls her eyes, giggles again, and says “You still spooked about your hot bunkmate, Berty?” He can hear the grin in her voice. He bristles.

“I only have one bunkmate, Roxy, and I wouldn’t use the word ‘hot’ if I ever tried to describe him, so you must have me confused with some other counselor.”

“Say, what words would you use then, huh?” Her grin is bigger now. John’s tolerance for Roxy Lalonde is draining at increasing speeds this morning.

“Annoying know-it-all, maybe? Or, ok, how about raging pisstaker. Either of those, really.” Roxy laughs, long and hard, and John gets the feeling she isn’t laughing at him, which drains the Well of Tolerance further. Before he can respond, Roxy’s arm is gone and she’s standing in front of him now, too close to his face for him to be completely comfortable.

“It’s funny how you think you know everyone better than they know themselves,” she says, but she’s not laughing anymore.

“I know that Dirk’s ego is bigger than your shit-eating grin.” John says, no longer as confident. He swallows nervously.

“If my mom has taught me anything, Johnny, it’s defense mechanisms.” Her voice is a whisper, and John is confused by how impressed he finds himself.

“What does that have to do with me?”

“I’m just sayin’ John. Dirk’s not the only annoying pisstaker.” She walks away, and John continues to sit, eyebrows scrunched together in annoyance and thought. Operation Cirque du Pisstake might actually work.

\---

The rest of the morning and most of the afternoon is to be spent with Jade. In woodcarving John tells her about how weird Roxy was acting that morning, and her response is simply, “Yeah, she can get pretty crazy!” This isn’t the response John was going for.

“She’s not just crazy, Jade. Her insanity is reaching levels that could endanger the rest of the camp. We should warn everyone! We may even need to evacuate.” Jade rolls her eyes because no one appreciates his jokes, not even his own sister.

“At least Roxy’s brain isn’t actually a pile of dog-shit. You can’t get mad at someone just because they don’t agree with you on something!” Oh no, Jade’s logic isn’t winning this fight. No way.

“I’m pretty sure I can because look at that, I am! And I will continue to be! Checkmate, atheists.” Using memes to win arguments has never failed, John is pretty certain.

“Wow, yeah, you sure got me. I forgot I was speaking to my thick-headed brother and not an actual feeling human being.”

“Don’t make that mistake next time, Jade. I won’t be so quick to forgive you.” This is a victory. John decides to be nice and hold off on gloating until later.

“Aren’t you going on your evening hike with Dirk tonight?” John’s smile fades into a grimace. He doesn’t see a need to think about it until it’s absolutely necessary.

“Do you think there is a way I get out of it? Couldn’t we do the hike together? Look at how much fun we are having!” He gestures to the pile of wood in front of them. It’s a very impressive pile of wood. “It would be a shame to break up what is practically a frigging party because some lame schedule dictates who we have to pair up with.”

“No, John. I am at summer camp to hang out with people who are not you. Summer camp is sort of all about doing things outside of your comfort zone. Somehow you missed that even though you’ve been coming here for most of your dumb life!” Jade crosses her arms across her chest and John understands that to mean the conversation is over. He turns his attention back to the wood pile and pouts.

It is silent up until John says, softly, “I don’t understand why you would want to hike with a fucking maniac anyway.” He doesn’t even flinch when the chips of wood sail through the air, aimed straight at his face. He just brushes off his shirt and resumes pouting until the horn sounds, announcing lunch.

On the menu for lunch is corn-dogs and a bunch of shit John doesn’t actually care about. He piles four corn-dogs on his plate. The extra food is a very solid tally in the pro column on his imaginary “Is Being a Camp Counsellor Completely Bogus” chart. It is the only tally in the pro column.

Once his corn-dogs are smothered in a sufficient amount of mustard, he decides today is the day to break his corn-dog eating record. He has Jade time him, and manages to get all four down in two and a half minutes. Lunch ends with John resting his head on the lunch table, clutching his stomach, and his sister flicking bits of trail mix at him.

\----

The backpack hanging on his shoulders is a metaphor, John thinks, about what a fucking burden agreeing to summer camp has become. Who thought it was a good idea to give him responsibilities over other living people? Those people should be locked up. He kicks at the gravel beneath his feet to emphasise just how upset he is with this situation. Leaning against a support to the cabin, waiting for the kids to decide it’s time to get the damn thing over with, he is startled out of his thoughts by a very hard clap on the part of his shoulder not covered by his pack.

“Ahoy, Counsellor John! I assume we are suited up and ready for a night of hearty forest romps.”

John isn’t surprised in the least when he turns around and finds himself staring straight into Jake’s wide grin. “Forest romp isn’t quite what it says on the itinerary, but okay, I am ready when everyone else is.”

Just as soon as the words leave his mouth, the rest of the group file out of the cabin, backpacks in place. He is aware of their eyes burning holes in his face, accusing him of coming up with the dumbshit hike. John thinks he speaks for everyone in his company when he says summer camp BLOWS. He doesn’t say that out loud, though, because it is probably breaking some kind of rule. Instead he forces the grin back to his face and lifts his hand to wave at them. “It is great to see you guys eager to, uh, romp. Through the forest.” He is considerably less good at this when no one tells him what to say beforehand. Improvising was his least favorite part of drama. Those are memories he is not prepared to go back to in front of a bunch of judgmental high school kids.

Jake is quick to back him up though, all smiles and nods. “I am always up for an old fashioned jaunt through the woods!”

There is a moment of silence in which John assumes everyone is doing the same as him, marveling at the confusing wonder that is Jake and his vocabulary. John lets the head-tilting continue for much longer than he probably should, until he finally turns his back on the group and outstretches his arm, pointing. “Let’s get going, guys!”

When they reach the flagpole, they find Dirk and his cabin there, waiting. Dirk quirks an eyebrow as John approaches, arms crossed over his chest, casual as ever. “Decided to take your time, then?” is what he says when John is finally standing across from him.

“What good is an evening hike if the sun isn’t even setting yet? Way to be boring and predictable.” Dirk responds by lowering his eyebrow and turning to the crowd of kids behind him. When he begins speaking, John turns to his own cabin.

“I guess this is where I give you guys a pep-talk, but I don’t know what to say? So just follow the other cabin’s lead and try not to hurt yourselves or anyone else. That probably covers anything I could’ve said.” He gives two thumbs up, which no one actually returns. He wonders briefly if these kids hate him more than they hate the evening hike. He can’t really blame them for that. To them, he is the bringer of evil. The fun eradicator. With a shrug, he turns his attention back to Dirk.

It takes Dirk three more minutes to finish whatever he is telling the group of kids, and they look spectacularly bored, but as soon as he is done he turns around to face John and company. John decides to shoot him a “good job, you are finally done talking” smile, which apparently prompts Dirk to start walking? Okay then! Commencing forest romp!

John zones out most of the walk, only paying attention long enough to count the heads behind him. After he only counts three twice, he decides to investigate. It doesn’t take long to locate the missing hiker -- Jake English, big surprise there -- only a little ways off, talking with Dirk. Or rather, listening, a look on his face not unlike the one he is usually wearing. Rapt, starstruck. John doesn’t know who to feel worse for, so he settles on not feeling bad at all, and he eases his way over to the pair. He overhears some of the conversation taking place and slows down, curious.

“We're not even 100% on how a dude of that size can get so completely tipsy in under half an hour, but there are some really choice things that science can't answer so we didn't bother to question it in the first place.”

“But what’d he end up doing with the towel? ”

“For all I know the guy has an entire wall in his house dedicated to the nacho cheese covered towels he has spirited away from the homes of poor unsuspecting party throwers.”

“I didn’t have Jack Black pinned at the party crashing kind of guy!”

John chooses to interject here. “Jack Black didn’t steal your nacho towel, come on.” Dirk only raises an infuriating eyebrow in response. “And like, if you’re going lie about celebrities crashing parties, why not go with someone who isn’t completely awful?”

The eyebrow is lowered, and Dirk says “Who would you suggest then?”

John actually hadn’t had anyone in mind. He spouts out the first name that comes to mind. “Ross...Geller?”

“...The character from Friends?”

“Yeah. Yes. He is entirely more interesting than Jack Black.”

“He can’t even feasibly crash a party since he doesn’t frigging exist.”

“You don’t know the first thing about Ross Geller or Friends.”

“I know I’d prefer to have Jack Black at my party than that bumbling shithead.”

Before John can reply, Dirk turns around in a full circle. John watches him, squinting his eyes in confusion, until Dirk looks back at him. He thinks Dirk is trying to make eye contact, but John stares hard at his shoulder, waiting for him to say whatever smartass thing he is about to say.

“Where’d Overbite go?”

John feels his face contort with confusion once again, trying to decipher Dirk’s question. And then. Oh. Jake hasn’t spoken up in a few minutes. He hasn’t heard Jake’s nasally voice since he walked up, actually. He glances at the slow-moving crowd behind them, counts their heads twice, and looks back to Dirk.

“Well,” he says. “Fuck.”

**Author's Note:**

> Next chapter I'll have a full camp schedule prepared for you to look at because stuff like that is neat and useful and stuff. Uh! Thank you for reading!!
> 
> Here is the cabin situation, if you're curious (you are):  
> John: Jake, Karkat, Tavros, and Eridan.  
> Roxy: Jane, Feferi, Nepeta, and Vriska.  
> Dirk: Dave, Equius, Sollux, and Gamzee.  
> Jade: Rose, Terezi, Kanaya, and Aradia.


End file.
